


Lift

by Annie17851



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Future Fic, M/M, Male Friendship, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 04:21:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4421117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie17851/pseuds/Annie17851
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel disappears sometimes; Sam wants to know why</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lift

**Author's Note:**

> Just because I love angst; Cas/Sam friendship. Cas takes off once in a while and Sam wants to know why he goes to this particular spot.

LIFT 

 

Sam Winchester pulled into the parking lot, spotting the big tan car after only a few seconds. He parked the Impala unobtrusively near the back of the lot and walked to the Lincoln, resignation evident in the slope of his shoulders and the heaviness in his steps. 

Sam rapped his knuckles lightly on the trunk of the Continental as he came up along the driver’s side. Castiel turned his head sharply and then rolled the window down as he saw who it was, drawing his right hand away from the angel blade he had instinctively been reaching for. 

“Hey, Cas!” Sam greeted him. “What’s up?” he asked, as if he didn’t already know. As if this same scene hadn’t already played out in this same parking lot more than a few times.

“Good morning, Sam. You’re up early,” the angel remarked. 

“Not as early as you, apparently,” Sam replied, walking out around the front of the car to climb into the passenger seat, not the first time he had been riding shotgun in Castiel’s car, since. Well. Since.

The Lovewell Reservoir was only about a 40-minute drive from the bunker, and sometimes, on those nights when grief refused to allow sleep, Castiel would make the drive, always arriving in time to greet the sunrise and watch for the morning birds to start taking flight. 

On several of these occasions, Sam had caught up later to join him, to reassure himself that Castiel wasn’t contemplating anything stupid. His brother was lost to them, and Sam didn’t want to lose the angel, too. Admittedly, it had taken some persistent questioning to find out where Castiel was stealing off to before dawn, but he still didn’t know exactly why Cas came here in particular. 

They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes and Sam watched Castiel with a sidewise glance. It hit him then, suddenly, as Cas craned his neck to track the flight of a hawk as it flew toward them, gliding on a breeze that carried it over the Continental and then behind them out of sight. 

Castiel was watching the birds. There were a lot of them, stretching their wings easily and soaring into the sky to meet the sun rising over the forest surrounding the reservoir. 

Castiel was watching the birds.

Sam’s heart skipped a beat and sank a little in his chest in sympathy. Castiel had given up his wings long ago. For humanity. For Dean, more to the point. He still possessed some angelic qualities, leftover remnants of having been a Heavenly being, but Sam thought he knew which part of being an angel Castiel missed most.

Sam cleared his throat lightly.

“So, Cas,” he began, words crumbling to silence when he saw the empty, haunted look on Cas’ face as he turned to look at Sam, one eyebrow raised questioningly. 

“Yes, Sam?” Cas prompted.

“It’s the birds, right? That’s why you come here. To see the birds. Why torture yourself like this, Cas?”

Castiel sighed, gathering his thoughts before he spoke. 

“I obviously miss my wings, Sam. I was an angel. A warrior of God. Even after all the – mistakes - I made, I still considered myself an angel. My wings are gone. They’re just – gone.”

Sam started to say something more, but Castiel stopped him with a raised palm.

“I know. I know you’re sorry, Sam. I’m not. I can watch the birds and reminisce. I can remember quite clearly feeling the lift of Heaven’s winds beneath my wings. It was glorious.”

“I can’t even imagine,” Sam sympathized.

Castiel granted Sam a small smile. “No, you can’t,” he affirmed. “I stole grace, I rebelled. I loved a human. I mourn the loss of my wings, but worse than that is that Dean is gone. It feels like I gave them up futilely. I couldn’t prevent our – losing him.”

“Cas, put the blame where it belongs – on the demon that killed him.”

“He’s in Heaven, you know.” Castiel informed Sam calmly. 

“I hope so,” Sam said quietly.

“He is,” Cas replied. “I can sense that. I know it’s true. I can hear Heaven sometimes. He is happy. Heaven is happy.”

Sam blinked to stop the tears that threatened to flow. “You can feel that? I wish I could.”

“I wish I couldn’t,” Castiel muttered softly. Sam’s puzzled look demanded an explanation.

“I can hear Heaven,” Castiel went on to explain, folding his hands into his lap, head down in resignation. “Heaven can’t hear me. I did give up my wings – and Heaven – to help you. To help Dean. But now he’s gone from me forever. You’ll see him again some day, and I’m happy for that, but….”

Castiel stopped, the words stuck in his throat, in his heart, eyes shining with unshed tears.

“But you’ll see him again, too,” Sam remarked gently. 

Castiel sighed again. “No, I won’t. I can’t, Sam. I’m locked out of Heaven. Forever. When- if – I ever die, I can never go back to Heaven. I never told Dean that. He’s waiting for me and I will never be there!”

Sam reached out and put a comforting hand on the angel’s arm. “Cas, that’s, I don’t even know what to say. You loved him. He loved you. There must be some way, some kind of loophole…”

Castiel smiled sadly. “Your brother would say that’s your pre-law talking. We saved the world, Sam. More than once. I was happy to be here with you both, but there was always going to come a time when we couldn’t win. We’ll fight, you and I, as long as we can. When the time comes, I’ll continue to fight. Alone. You’ll tell Dean for me, won’t you?”

“Miracles take faith, Cas,” Sam reminded him quietly, moving his hand up from the angel’s arm to his shoulder. “Dean told me that you once accused him of having none. Over the years, I know he put his greatest faith in you. I know you’ll find a way back to him, because it’s where you belong. He can wait. I can wait, too. And yea, Cas, I’ll tell him. I promise I’ll tell him everything.”

Castiel, Angel of the Lord, smiled softly, one tear finally escaping to track its’ way slowly down his cheek. He squeezed the hand on his shoulder affectionately and turned his gaze back to the birds.


End file.
